It’s the center of February, and the air is dry. There are effective strains rising on my brow, perhaps as a result of I don’t moisturize sufficient, however perhaps as a harbinger of one thing better: Every day I develop nearer to my very own dying. Quickly, I can be 30. I’ll by no means be youthful than I’m proper now.
Fintech-founder-turned-longevity-guru Bryan Johnson has a proposal that has caught my consideration. For the low, low value of $1 million per yr, I pays him to indicate me the ropes of the “precise protocol” he’s adopted for the final 5 years. He calls this system “Immortals.”
Sure, a man who has obtained botox injections in his genitals will train me how you can supposedly reverse the method of getting old. Why shouldn’t I consider that Bryan Johnson has uncovered the secrets and techniques to residing longer than another human? No, he has not but confirmed his capability to survive all different people. He was born in 1977, a yr during which many present people had been born.
However why would I doubt the judgment of a man who fortified his structure with blood from his teenage son? When have the tech elite ever misled us? Ought to I additionally query when Elon Musk says that saving for retirement is irrelevant as a result of AGI will create an financial abundance so nice that nobody will ever know poverty once more?
Based on Johnson’s submit on X, this unique service — solely three spots can be found! — will embrace “a devoted concierge staff, BryanAI 24/7, in depth testing, thousands and thousands of organic information factors, steady monitoring, finest pores and skin and hair protocols, and entry to one of the best therapies on market.”
I can speak to the AI model of a man who livestreams himself doing shrooms for “science”? Signal me up!
Besides I can’t. As a result of I don’t have $1 million. These like me should accept shopping for Johnson’s overpriced olive oil in our pursuit of immortality (it’s peppery and smooth!).
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June 23, 2026
My emergent brow wrinkle intensifies with the information that Johnson will probably have a straightforward time filling up these three $1 million spots. Among the many ultrawealthy, longevity has develop into an more and more scorching pursuit.
John Hering, who has given Musk billions of {dollars} in backing, co-founded Biograph, which describes itself as a preventative well being and diagnostics clinic. Its most premium membership prices $15,000 a yr (subsequent to Johnson’s providing, it nearly looks like a superb deal … nearly). An identical startup, Fountain Life, has raised $108 million to fund its “final longevity program,” which prices a $21,500 annual payment. Certain, Johnson’s program is much more costly, however bear in mind, there’s solely three spots! And in case you’re nonetheless not able to shell out seven figures, nicely, you possibly can entry a imprecise “supported tier” for $60,000.
There’s nothing unsuitable with desirous to reside an extended, more healthy life, however longevity influencers like Johnson take this to an excessive that’s unattainable and (widespread sense would say) completely pointless for the typical particular person.
In his protection, Johnson isn’t making an attempt to proselytize us all into taking 100 pills a day and subsisting largely on boiled greens. However he’s additionally not depriving us of the prospect to make him richer in trade for his “secrets and techniques.”
